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The many benefits of crying.

Dear readers, tonight’s post reveals the many benefits of crying. Society should not frown upon men (or little boys) crying. It doesn’t expose them as weak or vulnerable. As for women, don’t try to be a “big girl” and keep those tears restrained; let it loose, for it will help you in appropriate times!

Here are three personal stories that prove why crying is helpful:

1. Free candy:

When I was 7 years old, I went to Disneyland with my family. Upon exiting one attraction, I beckoned my sister, cousin, and uncle to get to the carousel. I hurriedly got to the line and yelled “hurry up” as I looked back… and recognized nobody familiar. Using the perfect strategy to seek attention, the tears manually ran down my cheeks. I stood there pouting over my own misery. In the meantime, four old White women noticed my “helplessness” (remember, this is all an act), and came over to soothe my sorrows. They surrounded me, tried to calm me down, and individually handed me pieces of candy. Moments later, my family showed up and rescued me from the strangers.

I don’t remember whether or not I took the candy, but the moral of the story remains: you cry, you get candy. Carpe diem, and take what you can!

2. Pest control:

The pitch of one’s sobs is enough to send the bugs fleeing for their lives. I was young, no more than 10 years of age. My father, sister, and I were in the front yard, just outside our front door. I was innocently minding my own business when a grasshopper decided to fly onto my shirt and mate with the polyester material. Instead of wasting energy raising my hand and slapping it off, I made a wiser choice in crying. With both arms dangling by my side, I pitched my head up in a 30 degree incline and howled. Unable to bear the sound of those shrieking cries, the grasshopper flew away where it probably died from busted eardrums.

No need to get guts spilled on your shirt. No need to use those fast-twitch muscle fibers to slap bugs off. Crying will solve all problems.

3. Free soda:

When I was young (notice this general pattern), no more than nine years of age, I was at a Chinese restaurant eating with my family and relatives. I went to the drinks stand and noticed a man helping himself to a drink. He had a small sample cup and poured some soda into it. After he walked off, I took his place in standing before the drink dispenser. However, I could not find the small cups. A waitress coincidentally came by and asked if I needed assistance. I told her that I wanted the blue soda drink, and she took a gigantic cup and filled it up.

She then asked me where my seat was. Thinking that she was being polite and wanted to carry it back with me like a servant, I generously declined. As I started walking back toward my table, I noticed where the small cups were. I was proudly sippin’ on that Hypnotiq-look-a-like soda while the waitress, to my bewilderment, followed closely behind. My charm must have worn off on her. As we arrived to our table, she asked for the tap to charge me for the drink. Realizing what I had done, I immediately did what any genius would: cry. Similar to the grasshopper situation, I stood there and used the fail-safe strategy of remaining motionless, useless, and making loud and unnecessary noises.

The waitress, extremely embarrassed, extended both of her hands and shook it wildly. She exclaimed in Mandarin, “Oh it’s okay! No charge! It’s free!” and quickly disappeared. I hypothesize she was too shy to handle me. The bottom line is, I got my free drink and sipped on it with puffy eyes while getting solemn stares by both family members and strangers.

In conclusion, folks, crying is good for you. On a completely serious note, I watch a certain video once every while to cry. It’s on a random basis, and I still can’t figure out why I do it. But, after every time watching the video and shedding the tears, I feel wholesomely renewed.

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